Identity Crisis

Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?
Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?
Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

Jeff Foxworthy on Middle Ages Castle Trash

You Know You're Castle Trash If...
Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet.
Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted.
You can't afford a cod piece... nobody notices.
You have more sheep dogs than sheep.
You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have.
The plague improved your complexion... but only for a little while.
The Pope sends you to the Crusades... in Norway.
Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum.
Your wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettier.
The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom.
Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom.
You won "most improved " at the tournament.
They call your daughter made Marian.
Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort".
Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son.

Redneck Mole Removed

Q: Did you hear about the redneck who went to the hospital to have a mole removed from his d*ck?
A: He swore off sex with them creatures forever.