You Might be a Redneck If... You have

You might be a redneck if...

• You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.
• You have barnyard animals living in your house.
• Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.
• Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."
• Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.
• You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.
• You have ever shot a possum on your porch.
• You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.
• You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
• You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house... not including 22 caliber. 

Hillbilly Beat Off

A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to beat off and when he was done he would shoot his load into a coffee can and hide it under the bench. One day his father caught him and told him, "Son, every time you do that you are killing a baby."
The next time the boy went to the barn he was about to shoot his load and reached down to grab his can but a little frog had jumped in. The boy looked in the can saw the frog and said, "Son you're ugly but daddy loves ya."

Blonde - Redneck

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?
A: If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the same time and still know which one to spit out.