You Might Be a Redneck If... Collection 65

You might be a redneck if...

• Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.
• Burger King won't let you do it your way, right away.
• You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wife's birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.
• You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are.
• Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.
• You think a computer hacker carries an axe.
• You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case."
• You've given your gun a woman's name.
• Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.
• You go to the post office to research your family tree. 

Signs You're a Redneck Jedi

• Your Jedi robe is camo-colored.
• You use your light saber to open and cook cans of pork and beans.
• At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer-colored.
• There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

Hillbilly Beat Off

A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to beat off and when he was done he would shoot his load into a coffee can and hide it under the bench. One day his father caught him and told him, "Son, every time you do that you are killing a baby."
The next time the boy went to the barn he was about to shoot his load and reached down to grab his can but a little frog had jumped in. The boy looked in the can saw the frog and said, "Son you're ugly but daddy loves ya."