Brezhnev At His Speech

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts: "Dear Comrade Imperialists," The whole hall perked up - "what did he say??" Brezhnev tried again..."Dear Comrade Imperialists," Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again: "Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."

Arafat and Clinton

Q: What did Arafat say to Clinton?
A: "Sheep don't talk, my friend."

Speaking of Spelling, Here is a News Bulletin

Speaking of spelling, here's a news bulletin ........ The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish." In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c." Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k." This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f." This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mess of the silent "e's" in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and the "w" with "v." During the fifz yar, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yar, ve vil hav a realy sensibl vriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evryvun vil find it easy tu understand each ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!