Hillary's Truck

I took a new Silverado out for a test drive. The sales lady seemed nice, mid 30's with a 'Hillary for President' button on her jacket. She sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its options. The entertainment system was voice operated and could 'read' your email and text messages to you. She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with her, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.  Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a Republican truck? I explained that if it were Hillary's truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass all year-round and it would have a built-in server so you could hide emails from your wife. I had to walk back to the dealership. Bitch had no sense of humor.

Dad's Will

A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night.
 
My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.  Then, disown me and never talk to me again.  Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
 
"Wow," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
 
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that.  She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend -- Mohammed.  We're going to work together on Biden's election campaign!'"
 

Physician's Opinion Of ObamaCare

Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it.”
A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."
That pretty well sums it up!