Dad's Will

A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night.
 
My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.  Then, disown me and never talk to me again.  Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
 
"Wow," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
 
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that.  She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend -- Mohammed.  We're going to work together on Biden's election campaign!'"
 

Physician's Opinion Of ObamaCare

Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it.”
A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."
That pretty well sums it up!

Hillary's Tough Questions

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says. "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.
"I have three questions," he says.
"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?
2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?
3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.
Hillary points to him and asks, "And what is your question?
"I have five questions," he says.
"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?
2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?
3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?
4th -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"
And 5th -- where's Kenneth?"