Dad's Will

A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night.
 
My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.  Then, disown me and never talk to me again.  Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
 
"Wow," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
 
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that.  She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend -- Mohammed.  We're going to work together on Biden's election campaign!'"
 

Physician's Opinion Of ObamaCare

Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it.”
A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."
That pretty well sums it up!

Opposites

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?