Spelling Contest

Q: If Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Dan Quayle, and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

New Language Courses in Ameirca

New languages being taught in America:

• Afro-American Speak -- Ebonics (or We-Beonics)
• Irish-American Speak -- Leprechaunics
• Native-American Speak -- Kimosabics
• Italio-American Speak -- Spumonics (or Rigatonics)
• Chinese-American Speak -- Won-tonics
• Japanese-American Speak -- Mama-san-ics
• Polish-American Speak -- Kielbasanics
• Jewish-American Speak -- Zionics
• Russian-American Speak -- Rasputonics
• Spanish-American Speak -- Flan-ics
• Scottish-American Speak -- Tartan-ics
• Eskimo-American Speak -- Harpoonics
• German-American Speak -- Autobaunics (or Teutonics)
• Canadian-American Speak -- EH?onics
• Florida Democratic Voters Speak -- Moronics

Decisions, Decisions

If you came across a capsized boat with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing them or getting a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?