Clock, Jock and a Crock

Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock.
A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises.

Democrats on the Front Porch

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed.
"I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

Morning After

This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby.
When you wake up, you just know something bad happened.