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Old Age Jokes - Old Age Sex Jokes
Ride Home
This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he'll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says "You're a pretty good looking old broad. I'll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass."
She says "What???!!!" But then thinks that the old age check isn't due for 5 more days, so she agrees.
They are lying on the bed after it's over having the usual smoke, and he says to her "Geez if I had known that you were a virgin I would have offered you $20.00!"
She looks back at him and says "If I had know you could get it up I would have taken off my pantyhose!"
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An Elderly Couple And Sex
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again -- the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs -- she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"
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Distraught
The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um... little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her.
The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, "listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband's on his way out... Get this prescription, and put three drops in his milk before he goes to bed." The wife is very happy and thanks the doc profusely.
Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went. The lady blushes, smiles and says, "well, I put thirty drops in his milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close the coffin."
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