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The best jokes and joke writers!

What Not To Say In The Workplace

  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Bosses, And Technology

Boss: "My laptop computer is locked up. Can you help?"

Dilbert: "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to reboot.

"Boss: "Oh, that's right."

Wally: "I wonder if he'll ever realize we gave him an "Etch-A-Sketch."

Twenty VPs in a Mini-van

Q: How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?

A: Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

The English Are Tactful

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with, "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."

New Vice Chairman

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice- chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?" "Thanks," said the employee. "Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?" "I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."