S.H.I.T (Special High Intensity Traning)

MEMORANDUM
TO: All Employees
FROM: Communications Services
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other office in town.
If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.
All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed.
If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).
If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
Some of you already display aptitudes that would easily allow you to enter the Director of Intensity Program (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who do not qualify for this position but are still interested will certainly be referred to the Director Under Management Bureau (D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.). Those individuals who do not meet the requirements of The Bureau must first complete Special Training Under Personal Individual Discretion, Special High Intensity Training (S.T.U.P.I.D. S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please address them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) program.
Thank You.
Boss in General
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T)
Copy to: Complete Registered Organized Computerized Knowledge Originating Firsthand; Special High Intensity Training division. (CROCK-OF-SHIT)

Sex Advisor

The drinker announced to the bartender, "It seems I've been informally named advisor on 'Sexual Matters' at my company." "That sounds interesting. Does this mean you'll be counseling the big bosses on relations with their secretaries?" "I'm not sure yet," he answered. "During a staff meeting, I popped up to suggest a reduction in executive expense accounts and it was after that I was told if they ever wanted my fucking advice, they'd let me know."

Boss Wants Too Much

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day, 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself." And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"