Fired Up

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application. As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held. "I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that." "Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"

Business One Liners - There is No

• There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.
• There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrrong.
• There is no limit to how bad things can get.
• There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit.
• There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
• There is no problem so large that it cannot be solved by the application of a correctly chosen thermonuclear device.
• There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
• There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
• There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist.
• There is no such thing as instant experience.
• There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing. 

Lost in a Balloon

Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below. One of the balloonists calls down to him, "We're lost! Can you tell us where we are?" The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out, "You're in a balloon!" The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other, "That man must be a manager." "Why?" "Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!"