Condom Convention

A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. "It's ok, she says, "I am doing a huge convention."

Business One Liners

• If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
• If you are coasting, you're going downhill.
• If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
• If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
• If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
• If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.
• If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.
• If you cannot convince them, confuse them. 
• If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.

Buy Machine Factory

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them." "Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"