Business One - Liners... If

• If you cannot fix it, feature it.
• If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights!
• If you cannot measure output, then you measure input.
• If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.
• If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
• If you did what you always did, you'll get what you always got.
• If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
• If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
• If you do not care where you are, then you aren't lost.
• If you do not change direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed. 

Office Values

Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

Handbook Advice

An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."