Yo Mama - Cigarette

Yo mama so poor when I went into her house and stepped on a cigarette, she said, "Who turned off the heater?"

Bums' Dirty Pants

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you shit your pants?'' ''Hell no,'' Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. ''Did you shit your pants, Jeff?'' ''I swear to the God almighty I did not shit my pants,'' Jeff said.
So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, ''I thought you said you didn't shit your pants?!'' ''I didn't.'' Jeff said. ''They're your pants.''

Toothpick From the Bar

One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door. Again, there stands another bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door. This time, there's a bum asking for a straw. The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there. The bum replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."