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Military Jokes
Mermaid Rescue
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball. "I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?" The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid." "That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?" "Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
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Misunderstanding Terms
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
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New Recruit
Ten recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.
"Hey Johnson!" yelled the drill instructor, " those are the ugliest shoes I've ever seen! "
"Yes, sir," Johnson answered.
"Those shoes are really really ugly, right?" hollered the drill instructor again.
"Yes, sir," answered the recruit.
"And that hair- don't they have barbershops where you came from?"
"Yes, sir," answered the recruit.
"So why didn't you get a haircut?"
"I was saving up for shoes, sir!"
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