American Standards

Q: What would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight?
A: There would be mass confusion.

Cesium - All through the Night

Cesium (All through the Night) (Tune, Fever)
(1) Never know how much I need you, Never know how much I'd dare, When I mix you up with water, I get a heat that's hard to bear. I need my Cesium! Burnin' brightly, Cesium to give me light. Cesium -- In the morning, Cesium all through the night.
(2) Sun lights up the daytime. Moon lights up the night. Cesium lights up heaven above, With a brilliant sky-blue light. I need my Cesium! Burnin' hotly. Cesium shinin' so bright. Cesium -- In the morning, Cesium to make me feel right. (Coda) Everybody, Needs some Cesium, Cesium to give 'em that glow. Cesium -- Add some water, Get a fire hot as down below!
(3) Romeo, he had Cesium, Cool water Juliette. When they mixed it up together, Things got as hot as they can get! They needed Cesium! Flamin' madly. Cesium burnin' so blue. Cesium -- Shared between them. Cesium to make their love true.
(4) Come to the end of my story. Got to the point that I made. Cesium's the stuff to heat you up, And you ain't gonna find no shade! You'll need cesium! As you sizzle. Cesium some comfort to earn. Cesium -- It's almighty. What a lovely way to burn! 

Asteroid Hits Earth

Top Advantages of An Asteroid Really Hitting Earth

• You'd be able to surf in South Dakota.
• Wouldn't have to hear that garbage Aerosmith song anymore.
• The one dinosaur on the planet (here's a clue..he's purple) would be extinct.
• We'd miss out on Tony Danza's or Jenny McCarthy's next sitcom.
• Puts a major damper on that Molly Hatchet/Judas Priest reunion tour.
• Pretty good chance that the Gorditas Dog from the Taco Bell commercials wouldn't survive.
• There'd be no more movies on the topic, that's for sure.