Frenchman on Trial

A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman. "How do you plead?" asked the judge. "Guilty or not guilty." "Not guilty," replied the man. "On what grounds?" queried the judge. "I didn't think she was dead... I thought she was an American."

Only In America

• A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
• Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
• Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
• People use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
• Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

Tops Reasons It's Great to be Canadian

It beats being an American.
Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
Own-an-eskimo scheme.