Spider Man

I asked my three year old grandson Malachi what his name was, he replied, "Spiderman." I said, "Malachi, what is your real name?" He replied, "Peter Parker."

Holding Back

My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago, and he comes to me this summer and he goes, 'Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell my kid he's going to be held back a year.' I was like, 'I guess you better tell him slowly so the little dumb ass will get it.'

Gullible

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman. "Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms really really hard." So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below. Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What the hell happened?!?" Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him."