Salts

Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. "Don't be stupid," says the barman, "We've got a perfectly good toilet here!" "Yes," explains the drinker, "but I take salts." "So what?! That doesn't matter - you can still use the toilet here!" The drinker reluctantly agrees and heads for the toilet. After a few moments there is loud banging and the bloke emerges, followed by a foul smell. The barman races into the toilet where he sees crap all over the ceiling and walls. He races back into the bar. "What the hell went on in there?!" he demands. "I told you," explained the drinker."No, you said that you take salts!" yelled the barman. "That's right," the drinker shrugs, "somersaults."

You Don't Have To

Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer: Why you little -- !

The Hospital Tests and the Drunk

The modest man is in the hospital for a series of tests and one of the last tests, makes his stomach upset.  After making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided to ignore the latest and ended up He completely filling his bed with human waste and felt embarrassed beyond anything he could possibly face. So, losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bedsheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital and the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing, and swinging his arms, drawing the attention of the security guard.  The security guard yells, "What's going on?!?"
To which the drunk replied, "I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"