You Might Be A Redneck - Bathroom

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.

A Small Disappointment

Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench for three days when one needs to shit. "I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink" "There's another trench over there" says the other. "I'll cover you with the M60.... just give me a shout and i'll cover you so you can get back" "OK" so the GI runs across while the other fires off the machine gun. He's waiting 10 minutes ......15 .......20 ....he shouts out  "Are you Ok?" .....nothing. Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting. "Cover me i`m coming back." When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have you been? you've been gone for over an hour" "Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her tits, fondled her ass, turned her round and fucked her from behind!" "It was great!" "You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?" "nah" said the other,disappointedly" she didn't have a head"

No Worms Please

A friend went to the kitchen window to check on her two-year-old son, who was playing in the yard with some older children in the neighborhood. She was horrified to see that they were feeding him an earthworm. She quickly opened the window and screamed at them, "Don't feed him worms! They'll make him sick!" They looked up at her puzzled and asked, "Was he sick yesterday?"