Life's Truisms

Some of life's truisms...

• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
• Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.
• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Pros And Cons of A Threesome

Pros and cons of a threesome
Advantages

• It can get really weird
• Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
• There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
• Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
• You get to watch your best friends making love
•  You get to get watched making love
• Simultaneously enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be experienced to be believed
• You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
• You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison shopping for condoms
• Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
• You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies without actually doing anything about it
• Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a problem, the "wrong name" is probably the one on your left
• Three-person showers are fantastic
• Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
• Three-person kisses are best

Disadvantages 

• It can get really weird
• Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
• Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
• You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the bathroom; the other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
• Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
• You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends like
• Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
• Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your notebooks
• Morning breath multiplied by 3
• You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or want
• You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends you didn't suspect or want
• You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of relationships
• The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
• Sorting clothes quickly when the significant other walks in assumes comical proportions
• Now there are two wet spots to avoid.

Dress Code

George W. Bush was caught breaking the White House dress code by wearing blue jeans. Bill Clinton responded by saying, "I never broke the dress code. I just didn't wear pants at all."