Hanging Blonde

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

Favorite Soup

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it.
I didn't really - he was just putting words in my mouth.

Super Salad

A man walks into a restaurant and sits down to order. The waiter walks up and takes the order. Before he is done taking his order, the waiter asks the man, "Would you like a soup or salad?" The man replies, "What's a super salad?"