The Three Idiots

Once, there were three guys stranded on an island, and the mainland was 100 miles away. The first guy swam 25 miles, and drowned. The second guy swam 50 miles, and drowned. The third guy swam 99 miles, and said, "I'm tired. I think I'll swim back."

A Collection of 'If' Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection.

• If he gets any denser, the geocentric theory of the universe will come true.
• If he had a lobotomy he'd depressurize.
• If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
• If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them.
• If he had console lights, we would see only the idle loop patterns.
• If he were any brighter he'd be in the visible spectrum.
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• If her brains were put in a hummingbird, it would fly backwards.
• If his brain were a hard drive, it would back up on a single floppy.
• If his brains were money, he'd still be in debt.
• If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock.
• If ignorance were bliss, she'd be orgasmic.
• If it's not in his horoscope/tea leaves, he doesn't take it seriously.
• If she had a disk we could upgrade her with DOS 3.0.
• If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant.  

His Insults Collection

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection.

• His pointers are null / uninitialized.
• His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
• His reaction time is longer than his attention span.  
• His root file system isn't mounted.
• His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.
• His shared libraries aren't installed.
• His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.
• His spark can't jump the gap.
• His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth.
• His stack's not very deep / he has an eight-byte stack.
• His string's aren't null-terminated.
• His strip is demagnetized.
• His system administrator is never in.
• His train tracks aren't quite parallel. His URL denies outside access.