Stupid and Talkative Insults

• You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.
• You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.
• If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
• I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.
• You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.
• You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet!!
• I hear the only place you're ever been invited is outside.
• I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.
• You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.
• At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
• If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.
• Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? 

Bright Until Spoken To

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Parking Asses

Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together. Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles. One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home." The next day, they come to work on a donkey. After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence. I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde. "I'm not convinced that's our donkey." "Why not?" asks the second blonde. The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, 'Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."