Collection of "Useful" Insults

When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some of these:

• Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.
• Unclear which of Newton's three laws of motion keeps his ears apart.
• Understands English as well as any parrot.
• Used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Useful as a chocolate teapot.
• Useful as a football bat.
• Useful as a hip pocket on a T-shirt.
• Useful as a kickstand on a horse.
• Useful as a mint-flavored suppository.
• Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
• Useful as dinosaur repellent.
• Useful as tits on a bullfrog / bull / boar-hog.
• Uses all three functional neurons for his best work.
• Uses his head best for rolling Easter eggs.
• Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck. 

Waterlogged Blonde

Q: What do you call a blonde who can't swim?
A: Bait!

Fly Away

Q: What do you call a fly in a blonde's brain?
A: A space invader!