Lawyers in a Basement

Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement
A: A whine cellar.

Two Plus Two

A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. The engineer went in first and was asked, ''What is 2+2?'' The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ''4.'' Then the mathematician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, ''4.0.'' Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, ''What do you want it to be?''

Testifying

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness: "Yes, sir." The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?" The witness: "Thirty- one feet, six and one quarter inches." The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?" The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."