Free Advice at Social Affairs?

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

Lawyers and Lightbulbs

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.

Ounces of Brain for Sale

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study and sees a sign remarking on the quality of a professional brains offered at the store.
He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.  "How much does it cost for an engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much does it cost for a programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce," replies the butcher.
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce," replies the butcher.
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
The butcher says, "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?!?"