Lawyer Statue

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing. He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it. The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him. He shrugged it off, and continued on his way. As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him. He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this. He headed towards the bay that resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not caring about their immediate deaths. The guy ran back to the store, and when he reached it, the store owner said, "No refunds". The guy shook his head, and said, "No, no, I was wondering if you had any statues like the one I bought, only, shaped like a lawyer."

Dr. Seuss - Beer

I would drink beer,
with a goat on a boat,
in a box in my socks,
in a car
at a bar
I do, I do, I do like BEER!
Slammed I am!

Little Red and Big Bad Wolf

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things. Her mother asked, "Where are you going, Lil' Red?" Red said, "To grandma's." Her mother said, "Okay, but watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. He'll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and freak your little red socks off." Lil' Red replied, "Don't worry, I've got a gun." So about a mile down the road, Lil' Red met the Three Little Pigs. They asked where she was going and she said, "Grandma's house." The Pigs warned, "Watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. He'll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and freak your little red socks off!" She told them, "Don't worry, I've got a gun." About two more miles down the road, the Big Bad Wolf leapt out of the forest and grabbed Lil' Red. He shouted "Ha! I finally caught you!" And she cried, "Don't tell me you're gonna pull up my little red dress, pull down my little red panties and freak my little red socks off." "Yes I am," said the Wolf, drooling. "No, you ain't," said Little Red. "What do you mean," said the Wolf, taken aback. Lil' Red pulled up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, pulled out her big silver gun and said, "Nope, you're gonna eat me like it says in the book."