Pirate Interview

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg." "Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!" The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?" "I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!" Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?" "One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!" The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?" "Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"

Bumper Stickers 21

• Gravity - It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
• Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
• Life is too complicated in the morning.
• All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
• The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
• My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ... I'm sure going to miss her.
• Ask me about my vow of silence.
• Today's subliminal message is: ( ) 

Britney Spears Hired By Pepsi

Q: Why did Pepsi hire Britney Spears to do their commercial instead of Coke?
A: Because then would have had to change their slogan from "It's the real thing."