Signs and Notices 17

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now."
• An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed."
• Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."
• On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!"
• A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!"
• Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."

Signs

Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!"
Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want."
Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet."
Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12"
A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow."
Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)."
Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
Sign in a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
Sign in school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended."

Bumper Stickers

• I love animals, they taste great.
• EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
• "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest!
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.