Real News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years.
Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man.
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy.
Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better.
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar War Dims Hope For Peace.
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While.
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation.
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years.

Stupid Quotes

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy."
Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: "There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging around like this."
David Coleman, BBC 1 TV "Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row of beans, 'cos that's only small potatoes."
Tommy Docherty, Picadilly Radio Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3: "We don't appear to have Jim Fish on the line at the moment." "Are there any more great swimmers in the pipeline?"
Cliff Morgan, BBC Radio 4 "Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of them gold."
Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV "Well, I shall remember that catch for many a dying day."

Kidnappers Caught Him

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
January 12, 1993 - San Francisco  police arrested Russell C. Sultan in July and charged him with attempting to extort $23,000 from his mother and girlfriend by claiming to have been kidnapped for ransom. After tracing telephone calls, police, guns drawn, burst into a motel room to find Sultan casually eating fried chicken and watching a 49ers football game. Sultan said the kidnappers had merely left him alone for a while, and exclaimed to the officers, "What took you so long?"