Austrian Hotel

Sign in an Austrian hotel catering to mountain climbers: "Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

Cafeteria Sign

Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."

Stupid Quotes Around The World

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

• "That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV
• "And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3
• Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1
• "Marling - unbeaten in her three victories." Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV
• " Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets." James Hunt, BBC2 TV
• "A church spire nestling among the trees... there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV