Signs and Notices

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Podiatrist

Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

IMCA registered unicorn mare

Craigslist Ad:
5 year old white unicorn mare, broke to ride, some trail experience. Friendly with humans and dogs, should be kept separate from horses because they get jealous. International Mythical Creatures Association registration parchment scroll on hand, can only be read under the light of a full moon so come on the 18th. Poops some glitter, mostly just poop though.
Serious inquiries only, please.