Real Business Signs

• On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
• Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
• In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
• On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."
• On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
• At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission".
• On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
• In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
• On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
• On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
• At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
• On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
• At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
• Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
• Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
• At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"
• In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."
• On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
• In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
• At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
• In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
• On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)
• On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
• In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
• Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
• In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."
• On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."
• In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
• In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawl means certain death. Dihydrogen monoxide:

1. Is also know as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
2. Contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
3. May cause severe burns.
4. Contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
5. Accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
6. May cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
7. Has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS! Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars in property damage in the Midwest, and recently California. Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

• As an industrial solvent and coolant
• In nuclear power plants
• In the production of styrofoam
• As a fire retardant
• In many forms of cruel animal research
• In the distribution of pesticides; even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical
• As an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer! THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED! The American government has refused to ban the production and distribution chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation". In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use. IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Act NOW to prevent further contamination!

Hilarious Signs

• Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
• On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
• On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
• Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
• Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
• In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"
• On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
• In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
• On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
• At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."