Want Ads

• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
• Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2.00
• For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
• Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
• Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
• Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
• Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.30. Free Beer!!. Tomorrow!

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawl means certain death. Dihydrogen monoxide:

1. Is also know as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
2. Contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
3. May cause severe burns.
4. Contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
5. Accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
6. May cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
7. Has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS! Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars in property damage in the Midwest, and recently California. Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

• As an industrial solvent and coolant
• In nuclear power plants
• In the production of styrofoam
• As a fire retardant
• In many forms of cruel animal research
• In the distribution of pesticides; even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical
• As an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer! THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED! The American government has refused to ban the production and distribution chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation". In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use. IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Act NOW to prevent further contamination!

Louvre in Dire Straits

Due to the flooding from the Seine River, The Louvre museum in Paris is scrambling to donate French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork to any museum that can keep them dry.
Museums that have agreed to take the artwork are very excited since they're getting Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.