Stupid Quotes Around The World

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

• "That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV
• "And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3
• Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1
• "Marling - unbeaten in her three victories." Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV
• " Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets." James Hunt, BBC2 TV
• "A church spire nestling among the trees... there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV

News Headlines

 Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees.
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies.
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing.
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing.
Air Head Fired Steals Clock, Faces.
Time Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff.
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni.
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board.

Real News Headlines 13

Here are a few genuine news bloopers gleaned from American newspapers.
These were taken from an article by Richard Lederer, author of "Anguished English".
On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband.
The airplane was only a few feet from the ground when it crashed, witnesses said.
With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.
A purple lady's bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.
Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor's task force on driving while intoxicated.
He hasn't even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.
Montreal police don't hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.
A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.