Shagging Twins

My friend told me he was shagging his girlfriend's twin.
I said: "You lucky thing! But how do you tell them apart?"
"Oh that's easy," he said, "Her brother has a mustache."

Brotherly Love

Q: "Johnny, why did you kick your brother in the stomach?" exclaimed the angry mother.
A: “It was pure accident, Mama. He turned around.”

Feel Better

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."