Out The Window!

There was an American on a business trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat. He said to the lady, "Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat." Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, "You rude American! My little poodle needs somewhere to be!" So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. "Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?" Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, "You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodle!" So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, "Move your mutt lady!" The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child. Finally he'd had enough and grabbed the dog and threw it out the window. The woman sat in disbelief until the man across the isle said, "You damn Americans, you do everything wrong! You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the fork in the wrong hand, and now you throw the wrong bitch out the window!"

An American and an Irishman

An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight - an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion.
"You see that, I reckon," said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. "And now where would you be if the gallows had its due?"
"Riding alone," coolly replied Paddy.

Texan Buys Spread

A loud American, looking for properties to buy out in Australia is in the bar of the Railway Hotel. "Yeah, ma'am" he says to the barmaid, "Ah'm looking to buy me a ranch - stations, you call them, so they tell me. Ah come from Texas and ah'm looking for a big spread because where I come from in Texas, everythang is BIG. Why, do you know, mah ranch in Texas is so big, it takes a whole week to ride around it on a horse?"
"Yeah?" says a wizened station hand sitting at the bar. "If we had a horse like that we'd turn it into glue."