Russian Persuasion

An international archaeological expedition unearths an Egyptian mummy. They've never seen a mummy like it, and are totally confused.
The Americans X-ray the mummy and all it's artifacts. They analyze all the materials down to their atoms, but come back empty handed.
The French have a go. Their best historians and linguists examine the hieroglyphics and scrolls. After months of effort, they too come back empty handed.
The KGB attaché accompanying the Russians wants to have a go. Everyone else agrees, as they've all run out of ideas.
They take the mummy. 10 minutes later, they're back. "He's Akemtomph the Fifth, from the house of Isigord. He ruled from 575 BC to 549 BC."
"How did you get this information?" Everyone else asks in astonishment.
"He confessed."

Four Scandanavians

Q: Who are Sven War, Ollie Famine, Piter Pestilence, and Jergi Death?
A: The four Norseman of the Apocolypse.

Polish Prisoner's Request

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polack were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away. "The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer. The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy. The Polack says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes. Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather drunk. Finally, they release the Polack, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"