Frantic Call

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!".   "Is this her first child?", the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

Taking Measures

"Mom, I'm pregnant." "How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?" "That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest."

Good Girl

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"
The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.  
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came.  I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"