Beautiful

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is 'beautiful.' Little Sally, would you please come up here and use 'beautiful' in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnny walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"

Breaking the Pregnancy News

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital, pacing the floor. His wife was inside having their first child. After a while the doctor came out to talk to the nervous father. "Well, your baby is here. It's a boy. And guess what? He can fly!" The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the floor with a SMACK. The father was irritated. The doctor calmed him down, "Don't worry, I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing. Your baby really can fly. Watch." Again, the doctor picked up the baby, and this time tossed it across the room. Again, the baby hit the floor with a hard SMACK. The father was just about ready to kill the doctor.
"You idiot! You're going to kill my baby!" "Don't worry. He just needs to be scared a little." So the doctor took the baby and held it out the third story window. The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the sidewalk below with a sickening SPLAT. The father was beside himself with anger. "You son-of-a-bitch! I'm gonna kill you!" "Hey, don't worry! I'm just joking with you. Your baby was stillborn."

Everything We Need

A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old's about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping. "Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything." "Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything." "We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day." "Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked. "Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said "God, that's all we needed."