New Baby

Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

Did You Hear About The Redneck

Did you hear about the redneck who... spent four days in Sears looking for a miscarriage.

Mister Smith in the Maternity Ward

Mister Smith received an emergency call from the hospital.
Mister Smith rushed into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?"
"Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It's disfigured" said the nurse.
"Well, how bad is it? Can I see?" he replied.
"Follow me, sir." They headed down a restricted corridor and came to the first door. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.
Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"
The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."
They came to another room, and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.
Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?"
"No Mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me" said the nurse.
The next room down, Smith looked in. This kid is only a head, no body at all.
"Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?" cried Mister Smith.
"Not your child, sir. Follow me" said the nurse.
One more room left in the hall. Mister Smith forced himself to enter. There on a pillow is a single huge ear.
"This is your child, Mister Smith." said the nurse.
Smitty goes nuts, "Oh Lord! What could possibly be worse than this!? But...It's still my son. I will talk to him, I will amuse him with bed-time stories. I will sing him lullabies..."
"Sir...it's deaf."