New Employee Training

A young man got a new job running the register at a store. The old store owner said he would teach him how to up-sell. "Watch how I do it," he said to the new hire. As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing, you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut the grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need a new mower. Sure, I'll take one." After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A customer stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman said, "You know, you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that." The man asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass."

Discharge Doctor's Visit

A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a terrible discharge." The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says, "how does that feel?" Young lady, "Oooh doctor that feels lovely... but the discharge is from my ear!!"

Don't Say To Pregnant Wife

Things you don't say to your pregnant wife after her ultrasound;

1. Thirsty?
2. Where did the extra set of arms come from?
3. Why does it look so much like a lizard?
4. So, what are the characteristics of hermaphroditism?
5. Could we do that again? The nurse had me distracted.