I'm Over the Hill Poem

We're over the hill, but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile
With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip
We all may seem a sorry lot
But we rejoice for what we've got

We have each day and what it brings
And, on our pensions, live like kings
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, "Let them eat cake!"

We've paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth

And though our wardrobes may be plain
We'll suffer no more labor or pain
Now it's with cane we do our strut
And if we can't drive - we still can putt
We're mean and tough; meet all demands
Why, M&M's melt in our hands
Yes, we're still here, and it does delight us
That you join our fight against arthritis

But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here!

Get A Way

Q: What kind of shoes do kidnappers like best?
A: White vans

Three Little Pigs Remixed

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!! So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did! So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the bricks pigs' house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down." So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.
Out step three pigs named Louie, Vito, and Dominic. These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in the wolf's mouth and fired. Then they got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked. "Those were my cousins from North Jersey -- the Guinea Pigs."