Dying Husbands

A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Pounding on My Door

Did I tell you I had this woman pounding on my door all night last night? Yeah, I finally let her out!

Apple Juice

Q: You know why I drink apple juice?
A: Because OJ will kill you.