Irish Catholic Family

Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest. He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house." "Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air." "Yes," says the priest, "your legs."

Class of Faith

While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family's faith to class. At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students. The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug." The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of David." The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary." The final child said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish."

Catholic Dictionary

• AMEN- The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
• BULLETIN- Your receipt for attending Mass.
• CHOIR- A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
• HYMN- A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
• RECESSIONAL HYMN- The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
• INCENSE- Holy Smoke!
• JUSTICE- When kids have kids of their own.
• PEW- A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
• RECESSIONAL- The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
• RELICS- People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
• TEN COMMANDMENTS- The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
• USHERS- The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.