Motzart

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

Hurry and Die

Hurry up and die already so that I can piss in your grave.

Legacy

Three retired friends were talking over drinks about their careers and they got on the subject of leaving a legacy.  One friend asked the others, when people see you in your casket, what would you like them to say?  The first friend hoped they would comment on how great a doctor and family man he was.  The second friend hoped they would comment on him being a great teacher and making a difference.  The third friend paused in reflection then said, I would like to hear them say, "Look, he's moving!"