Clinton at the Pearly Gates

Clinton died and was standing at the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton." "And what do you want?" asked St. Peter. "Lemme in!" replied Clinton. "Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex - but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't abandon all hope upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

Milking Sheep

Q: How do you milk sheep?
A: With an iPhone 14 Pro Max

Thrifty Matt

Q: What does Matt Damon call thrift shopping?
A: Goodwill Hunting.