Back In The Closet

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but she’s from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"

Pope and Michael Jackson

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.  If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest!

Culture and Celebrity Viruses Found

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,  and then slowly expands to 300MB.
Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files  and deletes them.
Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Titanic virus: Makes your  whole computer go down.
Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's  there.
Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.
Woody Allen virus: By-passes the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
NFL Blackout virus: Will  only let you run programs on a remote terminal that's more than 75  miles away.
Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your  personal files and forwards them to the authorities.
Bill Clinton  virus: Won't let you query the system for information.
Rush Limbaugh virus: Biases everything  to the right.
Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused  search of a specific file into a global interrogation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.
Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.
Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.
Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
George Michael virus: Runs its course,  occasionally releasing excess data buildup.
Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files.
Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits  when you're really enjoying it.
David Caruso NYPD Blue virus: After running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was in and never works again.
Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone.
X-files virus: All your Icons start  shape shifting.
Spice Girl virus: Has no real  function, but makes a pretty desktop.
AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.