Stumping the Devil

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil -- if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question -- to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well -- but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts. "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?" "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them." "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"

Want Me to Paint for You?

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.
"I'm here for the paint job," she said.
"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."
The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating. After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW."

Blond medical terminology

• Artery -- Study of paintings
• Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
• Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
• Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
• Caesarean section -- District in Rome
• Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
• Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
• Colic -- Sheep dog
• Coma -- A punctuation mark
• Congenital -- Friendly
• D&C -- Where Washington is
• Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
• Dilate -- To live long
• Enema -- Not a friend
• Fester -- Quicker
• Fibula -- A small lie
• G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
• Grippe -- Suitcase
• Hangnail -- Coathook
• Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
• Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
• Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
• Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
• Morbid -- Higher offer
• Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
• Node -- Was aware of
• Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
• Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
• Post operative -- Letter carrier
• Protein -- Favoring young people
• Rectum -- It almost killed him
• Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
• Rheumatic -- Amorous
• Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
• Secretion -- Hiding anything
• Seizure -- Roman emperor
• Serology -- Study of knighthood
• Tablet -- Small table
• Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
• Tibia -- Country in North Africa
• Tumor -- An extra pair
• Urine -- Opposite of you're out
• Varicose -- Located nearby
• Vein -- Conceited