Blonde at a Bar
A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out "This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!". So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I can't take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', I knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff." And the blonde says "Well, I did too! But I never would have thought that the man would do it again!"
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
One Too Many
This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, "hey there buddy," it hollers, "you're looking mighty fine tonight!" The guy can't believe what he is seeing. 'This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak, "hey asshole, go screw yourself!" it yells. The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on. "Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.'' "Let me explain," replies the bartender "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order."
A Brain Walks Into A Bar
A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please." The barman looks at him and says, "Sorry, I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the brain. "You're already out of your head."
Wanna Hear A Polish Joke?
Guy walks into a bar, sits downs and starts to make conversation with guy at next table. "Want to hear the worlds's worst Polish Joke?" Other guy says "Sure, but before you tell it, let me tell you something. See those two bikers over there by the door-real mean motherfuckers. They're Polish. And those two bouncers by the bar? They're Polish too! The Bartender?? Polish!! And one more thing pal, I'm Polish too!!! Now..... still want to tell that joke?" "Hell no!", replies First Guy, "I don't want to have to explain it 6 times!"