Definition of Panda

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves".

I Will

A man walks into a bar with his pet crocodile, the bartender screams and demands he get the man eating creature out of there! The man tries to calm the bartender down and says he is very well trained. To prove it the man whipped out his cock and put it in the crocodile's mouth, then he hit the crocodile over the head and after a few good smacks he pulls it out and shows the bar tender, "Look, no marks." The bartender is still unsure so the man asks "Would anyone else like to try?" The bar is quiet and a few minutes later a blonde in the corner stands up and says "I will but don't smack me on the head!"

4 Gay Guys In A Bar

Q: Four gay guys walk into a bar. There is only one 4 legged stool left, how do they sit???
A: They turn it upside down.